Be My Baby?
by Cattypatra
Summary: What's a blonde to do when a red head comes up and starts using every cheesy pick up line ever invented? Axel's having fun, but all Roxas wants to do is bang his head against the table. Akuroku crack!


"You're just playing hard to get."

"For the last time, I am NOT playing hard to get," Roxas hissed under his breath.

The blonde cast a look to his right, where the other was sitting next to him. Shocks of red hair spiked back from a clear, white face. Eerie green eyes were accented to a point of being painful with thick, black eyeliner, and there were little triangles on the tops of his shallow cheeks. Apart from that, all that Roxas could see was black. Tight black skinny jeans and a tight black top. Man, did Roxas hate emo's.

"Come on babe, we can play army? I can lie down while you blow me away," the emo said.

Roxas growled. "Listen-"

"Axel," the other boy said cockily.

"What?"

"The name's Axel, got it memorized?"

Roxas shook his head in annoyance. "Listen, Axel, I have to meet some of my friends here soon, so could you please leave me alone?"

Axel grinned. "Hey baby, you play games? Cause you're my final fantasy."

Roxas nearly smashed his head into the table in front of him.

"Go. Away."

Axel's grin only widened further, until he looked like a Cheshire cat.

"Nice shoes, wanna fuck?"

Roxas's head bolted upright. "What?!"

"Nice shoes, wanna fuck?" Axel repeated.

"No, I don't wanna have anything to do with you, so go _away_," Roxas snarled.

"Oh, stop playing coy," the red head teased.

"I am _not _playing coy."

"If you're not, then why don't we shag in that nice little bathroom cubicle over there?" Axel said, gesturing to the male toilets.

"Okay, number one, you're disgusting, and number two, I'm not gay!" Roxas said under his breath, so as not to draw attention to himself.

"Well, that's good, because neither am I."

"What?" Roxas asked, dumbfounded.

"I'm not gay," Axel responded dryly.

"Then wha?" Roxas enquired in confusion.

And damn, that freaky smile was back.

"I'm bi."

Roxas really did smack his head onto the table this time.

"Can't you try your pick up lines elsewhere? Preferably on someone who's _not_ me?" Roxas moaned, his head smooshed against the furniture.

"Hey, you know the distance from here to here," Axel tapped Roxas's shoulder closest to him, and then the middle of his back, "is the distance from here to here?" he tapped the middle of Roxas's back to his opposite shoulder, leaving his arm draped around the short blonde.

Roxas's head whipped up from the table, he grabbed Axel's arm and threw it off his shoulders before getting up and sitting on a seat opposite Axel, instead of next to him.

Axel just laughed while Roxas sat glaring at him from the other side.

"Was your father a thief? Because he must have stolen the stars and put them in your eyes," Axel drawled.

Roxas nearly cried. Not more cheesy pick up lines.

"Did you fall from heaven? Because that must be why your face's so fucked up," Roxas bit back.

Axel raised an eyebrow. "Oh, I'm bleeding. You cut me real deep."

Roxas rolled his eyes. "Sure I did, if I cut you so bad then why aren't you leaving?"

"Do you have a penny? I need to call my mum to tell her I'm in love," Axel countered.

"This is getting old, fast."

"It's never too old to hook up," Axel replied flippantly.

"I thought we went through this! I am NOT a homosexual!" Roxas fumed.

Axel chided, "But you could be an Axelsexual."

"Kill me now…" Roxas groaned.

"I'm not sure about killing you, but I'll suck you if you want me too," Axel remarked slyly.

"Please stop before I throw up."

"There's something on your knee," the red teen said.

Roxas's eyes widened, now that he thought about it, he could feel a small weight on his knee.

"And it's my foot," Axel continued.

And he smiled.

And Roxas froze.

And the foot slowly traveled, kept going until it reached a very… private area.

Roxas jolted back. "What are you doing!?"

Axel sent him a mock hurt look. "I'm trying to woo you, of course."

"GO WOO SOMEONE ELSE!" Roxas roared.

Axel sent Roxas a coy pout. "But baby, you know I'm perfect for you."

Roxas grit his teeth, eyes practically snarling at the arrogant red head. "Quoting Paris Hilton will NOT get you anywhere with me!"

The older teen smirked this time. "I like 'em feisty," he purred, leaning his upper body onto the table, his face inches from Roxas's own.

Now, there were two things that Roxas could have done. He could have a) smacked Axel straight in the face, or b) kicked him in the balls. Thankfully, Axel was spared both of these excruciatingly painful occurrences by a gentle voice.

"Oh Roxas, good, I'm glad to see that you two have met."

Roxas turned around, to see none other than Ollete, the person he was waiting for. He let out a sigh of relief. "Ollete, thank god you're here!" he crowed.

She smiled her serene little smile. "Well, it's good to see you getting along, this is my cousin Axel," she explained.

Roxas's jaw dropped… NO FUCKIN WAY.

Axel's smirk mutated and multiplied until Roxas was afraid for his life. "Yes, we were getting along _famously_," he said huskily.

"Good! Because we're all going to the movies together today!" Ollete chirped.

Roxas went still, and then blinked. And then blinked again.

Alone…

In a cinema…

With Ollete, and Axel…

But mainly Axel…

This was _not good. _

- - - - - - - - -

Well, that's it. I just realized that there was a serious lacking amount of funny AxelRoxas one shots, and so this is what I came up with.

And yes folks, it's a ONE SHOT. At this rate, it is not going to be continues. However, if I can enough encouragement and reviews I could be persuaded into making it a three part story, but we'll see.

Anyway, read and review! Thanks.


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